Friday March 30, 2012
This is a neat feature that I learned from Single Dad Laughing. Each day when he publishes, at the top of his blog is the feature "500 Posts Ago". It's a flashback to posts that were so long ago, and it breathes new life into the blog.
So, I thought I would start with my most popular posts, and expand on them. I am now on Twitter (@Rairighk) and I share my blog posts with the rest of the world that can't see them on Facebook. This is in an effort to grow my blog and get it out there. Someday, maybe it will be in the right hands and go further than just my own computer screen!
103 posts ago I wrote about Postpartum Depression (PPD), and gave a shortened version of what we went through (you can read it here). This was my very first blog post and at the time I wrote it, my youngest baby was 18 months old. I was still experiencing symptoms, I was seeing a therapist weekly and I was on antidepressants.
Since that time, I have learned so much about PPD and how to overcome it. I can honestly say that PPD has affected me permanently - by that I mean that while I don't still suffer from symptoms directly, it has forever altered how I view motherhood.
Whether that was my choice to allow PPD to do that, or it happened naturally, I feel that the PPD I experienced after the birth of my first daughter was mis-diagnosed, and not treated properly.
The world of Postpartum Depression is broad, and each woman who suffers from it experiences a variance of symptoms. While traumatic for me, I consider mine on the minor side.
I have since learned more about not only PPD, but Postpartum Psychosis (PPSD) and other disorders that sway to the extreme side of instability after having a baby.
Many women are ashamed of not feeling like the mother that their friends, neighbors, family and society are, or tell them they should be. It is a haunting disease and unless you or someone you know has experienced it, you could never possibly understand.
If you or someone you know are experiencing PPD or PPSD, please reach out. Start with your doctor. Make sure you tell your spouse, your best friend, your Mom. I know it's hard to talk about, it's SO hard to explain the feelings that you are experiencing, but you cannot remain silent.
There is so much joy and life to live with your baby, your spouse, your other children and this disease will eat you alive. If you do not get the support you need from your doctor, your family or your friends, keep searching. Find the strength to keep going every day - and keep searching for an out. Below are a couple of resources that may help point you in the right direction:
The Online PPMD Support Group - this page has a link to live support, and they will search for support in your area, free of charge. There is also a crisis hotline listed on this page.
Postpartum Support International - another easy to maneuver website with links to support in your area, and a network of women having the same experiences.
Thank you for reading (again). I am thankful that I am able to share my experiences - it has taken a long time for me to come to grips with my "new" life as a mother. Here's another link to Flashbacks To Losing It. If it helps just one new mother, then my goal was accomplished.
Please share this post in your circles. Statistics show that 1 in 8 new mothers experience some form of PPD or PPSD. Motherhood is such an amazing miracle and gift from our Creator. This disease robs all of us from experiencing that joy - so hopefully together we can heal.
Showing posts with label Post Partum Psychosis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Post Partum Psychosis. Show all posts
Friday, March 30, 2012
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Flashbacks to Losing It
This week I learned that an old friend of mine is suffering severly from Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Psychosis. Her Facebook status update simply stated that she is "struggling to stay alive", and a video posted about another woman who lost the battle to PPD "saved her life and the life of her kids". Seeing this about my friend brought back memories for me of a time shortly after I had each of my babies; a time that I almost lost it.
Hannah Grace was born on March 12, 2006. She was an absolutely beautiful baby, and rolled back to front right away on the newborn scale in the delivery room. We knew that she was going to be extra special. I was just shy of my 25th birthday and my husband was just shy of his 29th birthday. Young, first time parents, with their newborn and floating on a cloud... not so much. My husband left the hospital at night so he could get some good sleep in order to be more helpful after I got home with the baby. So it was just me, the baby and the nurses who, I could just say, do this all the time and could have stood to take a course in bedside manner with new, young, first time mothers. I had NO idea what I was doing. I had heard that babies cry a lot when they're newborns, but when Hannah cried that entire first night - all night - I couldn't believe it. I had tried to send her to the nursery because naturally, I was exhausted. They sent her back to me. I was told that I needed to be with my baby and she was crying so much that she was keeping the other babies in the nursery awake. So here I am, a mother of less than 24 hours, standing in my hospital gown, all night long, with a newborn that won't (or can't) stop crying. I cried too... a lot.
When my husband came back the next morning I told him what had happened. He promised to stay with me the second night to help me. The second night was much the same as the first, and now we were 2 stressed out, sleep-deprived first time parents with a baby that won't (or can't) stop crying.
The days and weeks went by, Hannah kept crying. And crying. And crying. Dr. appointments, diet changes for me (I was nursing), formula supplements, Reflux medications, GERD medications, and NO SLEEP. No exercise. Did I mention no sleep? We would send her to the grandparent's for a few hours so Matt & I could rest, go visit friends, get out of the house, shower. They too, sent her back. "Come & get your baby. She won't stop crying and I've tried everything". There were days I would cry so hard and so much, I would take myself out to the driveway, collapse in a ball on the concrete - in front of the car so my husband would have to run me over with it before he could leave me alone with this baby!
I was diagnosed with Situational Postpartum Depression. I was put on medication and my doctor felt that my symptoms would subside when Hannah's did, and that they were (somehow) connected. After 4 months, I returned to work, life went on and now Hannah is almost 5 years old and just as special (or more) as we knew she would be that first day we met her.
3 years later we had Ava. No colic, no reflux, no GERD. She slept well, she ate well, she was always happy. But I wasn't. Again, it hit me. About 4 weeks after she was born I started noticing those nagging, creeping feelings that weren't supposed to be in my head. I got back on medication and this time, started seeing a therapist. Not only had PPD hit me again, but I had another child to care for, and life to live on top of it. It was worse with the second one. Why? She was a great baby. Why was this happening again, and worse this time? What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I enjoy my kids? Why wasn't I happy, and why was I so afraid of being a mother?
I still don't fully understand it, but I know I got through it. It took a long time and I'm still healing. There were many people and many things that got me through it. Some days I had to be carried. The struggle was long and hard, and in the end, we all survived. Not only did we survive, but we are stronger because of it. I can't imagine my life turning out any differently than it has, and these experiences have made me thankful for the hard times. The hard times that you never think will hit you, that you never think you'll get through. I'm thankful for the gift of life, the 2 little lives that God has blessed Matt and me with. It wasn't their fault, and it wasn't my fault. It just... was.
So, when my friend posted her struggle, it really struck a nerve in me. I want to help, I want to talk about it. I want to share what I went through and how I got through it. I want to be a part in saving someone else, because I was saved.
The struggles that we endure can make us think that life sucks. They can make us wonder what we've done to deserve them. They can make us wonder why God would let us endure them. Without sounding cliche, He allows these hard times because He knows we can endure them, and there are others out there who need us. Whether we never speak of the trials again or not, we are needed. The struggles come to remind us how precious life is, and how careful we must be with it.
If you're reading this and you or someone you know are or have been affected by PPD or PPS, please reach out. Don't give up. Don't be alone. Hang in there, take it one minute at a time if you have to. Some days, you will have to. The next thing you know, you can take it one day at a time, and then one week. And then, you will be through it. Through it. And you'll have the reality check that I did - it was a gift.
Hannah Grace was born on March 12, 2006. She was an absolutely beautiful baby, and rolled back to front right away on the newborn scale in the delivery room. We knew that she was going to be extra special. I was just shy of my 25th birthday and my husband was just shy of his 29th birthday. Young, first time parents, with their newborn and floating on a cloud... not so much. My husband left the hospital at night so he could get some good sleep in order to be more helpful after I got home with the baby. So it was just me, the baby and the nurses who, I could just say, do this all the time and could have stood to take a course in bedside manner with new, young, first time mothers. I had NO idea what I was doing. I had heard that babies cry a lot when they're newborns, but when Hannah cried that entire first night - all night - I couldn't believe it. I had tried to send her to the nursery because naturally, I was exhausted. They sent her back to me. I was told that I needed to be with my baby and she was crying so much that she was keeping the other babies in the nursery awake. So here I am, a mother of less than 24 hours, standing in my hospital gown, all night long, with a newborn that won't (or can't) stop crying. I cried too... a lot.
When my husband came back the next morning I told him what had happened. He promised to stay with me the second night to help me. The second night was much the same as the first, and now we were 2 stressed out, sleep-deprived first time parents with a baby that won't (or can't) stop crying.
The days and weeks went by, Hannah kept crying. And crying. And crying. Dr. appointments, diet changes for me (I was nursing), formula supplements, Reflux medications, GERD medications, and NO SLEEP. No exercise. Did I mention no sleep? We would send her to the grandparent's for a few hours so Matt & I could rest, go visit friends, get out of the house, shower. They too, sent her back. "Come & get your baby. She won't stop crying and I've tried everything". There were days I would cry so hard and so much, I would take myself out to the driveway, collapse in a ball on the concrete - in front of the car so my husband would have to run me over with it before he could leave me alone with this baby!
I was diagnosed with Situational Postpartum Depression. I was put on medication and my doctor felt that my symptoms would subside when Hannah's did, and that they were (somehow) connected. After 4 months, I returned to work, life went on and now Hannah is almost 5 years old and just as special (or more) as we knew she would be that first day we met her.
3 years later we had Ava. No colic, no reflux, no GERD. She slept well, she ate well, she was always happy. But I wasn't. Again, it hit me. About 4 weeks after she was born I started noticing those nagging, creeping feelings that weren't supposed to be in my head. I got back on medication and this time, started seeing a therapist. Not only had PPD hit me again, but I had another child to care for, and life to live on top of it. It was worse with the second one. Why? She was a great baby. Why was this happening again, and worse this time? What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I enjoy my kids? Why wasn't I happy, and why was I so afraid of being a mother?
I still don't fully understand it, but I know I got through it. It took a long time and I'm still healing. There were many people and many things that got me through it. Some days I had to be carried. The struggle was long and hard, and in the end, we all survived. Not only did we survive, but we are stronger because of it. I can't imagine my life turning out any differently than it has, and these experiences have made me thankful for the hard times. The hard times that you never think will hit you, that you never think you'll get through. I'm thankful for the gift of life, the 2 little lives that God has blessed Matt and me with. It wasn't their fault, and it wasn't my fault. It just... was.
So, when my friend posted her struggle, it really struck a nerve in me. I want to help, I want to talk about it. I want to share what I went through and how I got through it. I want to be a part in saving someone else, because I was saved.
The struggles that we endure can make us think that life sucks. They can make us wonder what we've done to deserve them. They can make us wonder why God would let us endure them. Without sounding cliche, He allows these hard times because He knows we can endure them, and there are others out there who need us. Whether we never speak of the trials again or not, we are needed. The struggles come to remind us how precious life is, and how careful we must be with it.
If you're reading this and you or someone you know are or have been affected by PPD or PPS, please reach out. Don't give up. Don't be alone. Hang in there, take it one minute at a time if you have to. Some days, you will have to. The next thing you know, you can take it one day at a time, and then one week. And then, you will be through it. Through it. And you'll have the reality check that I did - it was a gift.
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