Moving on is easy... or, it should be anyway.
Sometimes, it is.
Like when you realize you have a stain on your shirt from breakfast and you have to wear it for the rest of the day. Eh! No biggy, everyone stains their shirt, right?!
That's an easy one.
When a friendship is "on the rocks" and you're left behind wondering, "Now what do I do"?
That's not so easy.
In life we have so many friendships.
The ones we've had since childhood.
The ones we create in college.
The ones we make at work.
The ones we acquire when we marry.
The ones we gain after we have kids.
And that's where I'm at...
At a time in life that is so joyous and full of new life, we find people that are in the same place as us. We are pregnant together, sharing stories of how we're feeling, doctor's appointment details, due dates and finally, getting together on maternity leave and sharing ideas on how to be a mom for the first time.
These are strong bonds. Especially when you have your second babies together too!
Sometimes, friendships get defined for a time when one's weakness is another's strength.
One is struggling with depression and anxiety after having those babies. While the other friend is strong, and collected and able to help. One day at a time, the strong one picks the weak one up, until she can stand on her own.
Then what?
Play dates, phone calls, sharing secrets, life's ups & downs.
But what if that friendship is still one-sided?
On one hand, the strong one is still helping the weak one, whether she needs it or not.
On the other hand, the weak one is branching out, getting stronger by her own methods and meeting new people, trying new things. Even though she is still struggling, she's trying to move on to a new place. She's tired of complaining, crying, and being stuck in a vicious cycle of depression and darkness. But the strong one does not come along.
Why can't the weak one give advice to the strong one? Why can't the weak one be the listener for a time? Why can't the weak one ever be seen as strong and capable? Because she feels that way. She feels renewed, positive, energetic and wants to be able to be there for the strong one as she has been there for her over the course of the friendship. Why can't the strong one stop trying to do everything, be everything and control everything?
It's okay to ask for help, as the weak one has done so many times before. And look at where she is now. She's not on top, but right where she needs to be. Still figuring out life, but knows how to get through rough times and how to revel in the good times.
Sometimes, in her new-found confidence, the weak one says too much. She has learned from the strong one how to be courteous, how to treat friends, how to be tactful yet polite with her words. But what if a situation arose that the weak one can't help but to blurt out honesty? She tries to compose herself and speak honestly, but with love and concern in her undertones. And what if, with the strong one's pride in the forefront, the honesty given by the weak one is mistaken for judgment and cruelty?
The situation has come to a head. Both friends feel passionately about their own point of view. The weak one is passionate about giving the strong one advice and showing concern over the situation. The strong one is passionate in her belief that everything is under control, although she has lost control. She knows she has been struggling for a long time. The struggle has lead to conflicting feelings of wanting to maintain control of her life, and not reach out for help, but knowing she should.
The weak one sees this and tries to help, but is rejected. Should she back up and remain weak? Give in to salvage the miss-aligned friendship? What is there to salvage if we cannot look at our friends and give in? Give in to the fact that we have lost control, show our weaknesses and cry out for help? What are friends for?
Friends are for just that... giving in. The balance of friendships sway to and fro over the years. Never ceasing in give and take. We shouldn't need labels such as strong or weak, because we are all strong AND weak at different times in our lives. The key to success in friendships is to know when these times are and embrace them.
The blessing is at the end. The blessing always comes. And our true friendships become and remain stronger in spite of these troubled times.
I cannot begin to recall all of the times I have been on either the giving or receiving ends of mercy and grace by a friend. Friends SHOULD BE able to recognize which of these times we're in, and react accordingly.
The old cliché states that friendships come and go, as they ebb and flow. The key is to know when to hang on and fight, or move on and let go.
Relationships end. Some just last longer than others. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. That doesn't mean that the time spent together wasn't valuable and worthwhile. It just means that every relationship has a purpose. Whether that purpose is for one or both friends, hopefully they both take something memorable and positive from it when they do decide it's over.
In the end, the risk of relationships is always worth it. And I wouldn't change a thing about any one I've ever had.
