Friday January 27, 2012
I have some friends. Different kinds of friends, but a lot of people I would call friends.
I have friends that don't live in the same state as me, I have friends that I see only once or twice a year. I have very close friends, and I have friends that are more acquaintances, but friends nonetheless. I have friends I play sports with, and friends I work out with. Friends I blog with, and friends I wish would read my blog (he he).
To me, calling someone a friend doesn't mean you talk every day. It doesn't mean you see each other on a regular basis. It doesn't mean you tell everyone your deepest darkest secrets.
We know who we can trust with our secrets. We know who we can call in the middle of the night. We know who will take us out for drinks when life sucks, and when life is really good and we need to celebrate. We know who will drive us to the emergency room and sit with us for hours. We know who to call when the kids want to get together. And we know who we can call for the hard-to-hear advice, and who to call for the easy-on-the-ears advice.
I think some friends serve a purpose, and some friendships are cyclical. Some friends are only friends for a time. Some are friends for life. Sometimes, people come into our lives to teach us something, or to help us through something. And then they're gone.
That doesn't mean they're no longer our friend. That doesn't mean we have to stop speaking. The dynamics of life change so often and so quickly. Sometimes we don't get to choose how a relationship ends. We have to ask ourselves if we learned a lesson and were we able to pull up our bootstraps and move on?
There's no healthy reason to try to hang on to a friendship that has run its course. I learned a long time ago that if you feel like you owe someone something, and that's the sole purpose of staying friends, then you really aren't friends. Friends don't owe and they don't keep track of bonus points. Don't hang on to something that is unhealthy or dysfunctional because the risk of hurt is too great.
The lifers, well they're with us for life. I have a friend that I've known since I was 7 years old. We were inseparable. And then we went our own way for a while. And then we were inseparable. And then I moved away. And 9 years after the last time I saw her, we met again and picked up right where we left off. Lifer.
Another friend of mine was like a sister to me for many years. We met when I had just moved to a new town and we were both going through some very rough times with our families. Life has taken us in different directions a little bit, and a few states in between, but when we see each other, we're still like family.
I love my friends. I love the variety of the friends I have. They are so diverse and so unique.
I have a friend who is loud, fun, beautiful, awesomely obnoxious and one of the best advice givers I've ever known. Intuitive is an understatement. Did I mention she's a party animal? Her friendship has breathed new life into mine.
I have a friend who is sensitive, caring, beautiful, funny, and smart as all get out. She's an amazing mother, and a very loyal friend.
My friend that I call for advice, the hard-to-hear kind, she's irreplaceable. She's also beautiful (Geez, I have lots of beautiful friends), and a shining beacon of positive influence and inspiration.
I also have a friend who's GREAT at everything she does. Another friend who is a relentless optimist. Another who is an amazing cook. Another who is the mother of 4 boys! (That in itself is an amazing feat)!
The list goes on. I don't envy my friends for their amazing attributes - I embrace them! I enjoy them! I can't be just like everyone else - how boring would that be? But I can be who I am, and hopefully find a few people along the way who like the spices I bring to life.
I am proud to call you my friends, and I am honored that you think of me as yours.
Showing posts with label best friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label best friends. Show all posts
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Moving On... Or Are We?
Moving on is easy... or, it should be anyway.
Sometimes, it is.
Like when you realize you have a stain on your shirt from breakfast and you have to wear it for the rest of the day. Eh! No biggy, everyone stains their shirt, right?!
That's an easy one.
When a friendship is "on the rocks" and you're left behind wondering, "Now what do I do"?
That's not so easy.
In life we have so many friendships.
The ones we've had since childhood.
The ones we create in college.
The ones we make at work.
The ones we acquire when we marry.
The ones we gain after we have kids.
And that's where I'm at...
At a time in life that is so joyous and full of new life, we find people that are in the same place as us. We are pregnant together, sharing stories of how we're feeling, doctor's appointment details, due dates and finally, getting together on maternity leave and sharing ideas on how to be a mom for the first time.
These are strong bonds. Especially when you have your second babies together too!
Sometimes, friendships get defined for a time when one's weakness is another's strength.
One is struggling with depression and anxiety after having those babies. While the other friend is strong, and collected and able to help. One day at a time, the strong one picks the weak one up, until she can stand on her own.
Then what?
Play dates, phone calls, sharing secrets, life's ups & downs.
But what if that friendship is still one-sided?
On one hand, the strong one is still helping the weak one, whether she needs it or not.
On the other hand, the weak one is branching out, getting stronger by her own methods and meeting new people, trying new things. Even though she is still struggling, she's trying to move on to a new place. She's tired of complaining, crying, and being stuck in a vicious cycle of depression and darkness. But the strong one does not come along.
Why can't the weak one give advice to the strong one? Why can't the weak one be the listener for a time? Why can't the weak one ever be seen as strong and capable? Because she feels that way. She feels renewed, positive, energetic and wants to be able to be there for the strong one as she has been there for her over the course of the friendship. Why can't the strong one stop trying to do everything, be everything and control everything?
It's okay to ask for help, as the weak one has done so many times before. And look at where she is now. She's not on top, but right where she needs to be. Still figuring out life, but knows how to get through rough times and how to revel in the good times.
Sometimes, in her new-found confidence, the weak one says too much. She has learned from the strong one how to be courteous, how to treat friends, how to be tactful yet polite with her words. But what if a situation arose that the weak one can't help but to blurt out honesty? She tries to compose herself and speak honestly, but with love and concern in her undertones. And what if, with the strong one's pride in the forefront, the honesty given by the weak one is mistaken for judgment and cruelty?
The situation has come to a head. Both friends feel passionately about their own point of view. The weak one is passionate about giving the strong one advice and showing concern over the situation. The strong one is passionate in her belief that everything is under control, although she has lost control. She knows she has been struggling for a long time. The struggle has lead to conflicting feelings of wanting to maintain control of her life, and not reach out for help, but knowing she should.
The weak one sees this and tries to help, but is rejected. Should she back up and remain weak? Give in to salvage the miss-aligned friendship? What is there to salvage if we cannot look at our friends and give in? Give in to the fact that we have lost control, show our weaknesses and cry out for help? What are friends for?
Friends are for just that... giving in. The balance of friendships sway to and fro over the years. Never ceasing in give and take. We shouldn't need labels such as strong or weak, because we are all strong AND weak at different times in our lives. The key to success in friendships is to know when these times are and embrace them.
The blessing is at the end. The blessing always comes. And our true friendships become and remain stronger in spite of these troubled times.
I cannot begin to recall all of the times I have been on either the giving or receiving ends of mercy and grace by a friend. Friends SHOULD BE able to recognize which of these times we're in, and react accordingly.
The old cliché states that friendships come and go, as they ebb and flow. The key is to know when to hang on and fight, or move on and let go.
Relationships end. Some just last longer than others. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. That doesn't mean that the time spent together wasn't valuable and worthwhile. It just means that every relationship has a purpose. Whether that purpose is for one or both friends, hopefully they both take something memorable and positive from it when they do decide it's over.
In the end, the risk of relationships is always worth it. And I wouldn't change a thing about any one I've ever had.
Sometimes, it is.
Like when you realize you have a stain on your shirt from breakfast and you have to wear it for the rest of the day. Eh! No biggy, everyone stains their shirt, right?!
That's an easy one.
When a friendship is "on the rocks" and you're left behind wondering, "Now what do I do"?
That's not so easy.
In life we have so many friendships.
The ones we've had since childhood.
The ones we create in college.
The ones we make at work.
The ones we acquire when we marry.
The ones we gain after we have kids.
And that's where I'm at...
At a time in life that is so joyous and full of new life, we find people that are in the same place as us. We are pregnant together, sharing stories of how we're feeling, doctor's appointment details, due dates and finally, getting together on maternity leave and sharing ideas on how to be a mom for the first time.
These are strong bonds. Especially when you have your second babies together too!
Sometimes, friendships get defined for a time when one's weakness is another's strength.
One is struggling with depression and anxiety after having those babies. While the other friend is strong, and collected and able to help. One day at a time, the strong one picks the weak one up, until she can stand on her own.
Then what?
Play dates, phone calls, sharing secrets, life's ups & downs.
But what if that friendship is still one-sided?
On one hand, the strong one is still helping the weak one, whether she needs it or not.
On the other hand, the weak one is branching out, getting stronger by her own methods and meeting new people, trying new things. Even though she is still struggling, she's trying to move on to a new place. She's tired of complaining, crying, and being stuck in a vicious cycle of depression and darkness. But the strong one does not come along.
Why can't the weak one give advice to the strong one? Why can't the weak one be the listener for a time? Why can't the weak one ever be seen as strong and capable? Because she feels that way. She feels renewed, positive, energetic and wants to be able to be there for the strong one as she has been there for her over the course of the friendship. Why can't the strong one stop trying to do everything, be everything and control everything?
It's okay to ask for help, as the weak one has done so many times before. And look at where she is now. She's not on top, but right where she needs to be. Still figuring out life, but knows how to get through rough times and how to revel in the good times.
Sometimes, in her new-found confidence, the weak one says too much. She has learned from the strong one how to be courteous, how to treat friends, how to be tactful yet polite with her words. But what if a situation arose that the weak one can't help but to blurt out honesty? She tries to compose herself and speak honestly, but with love and concern in her undertones. And what if, with the strong one's pride in the forefront, the honesty given by the weak one is mistaken for judgment and cruelty?
The situation has come to a head. Both friends feel passionately about their own point of view. The weak one is passionate about giving the strong one advice and showing concern over the situation. The strong one is passionate in her belief that everything is under control, although she has lost control. She knows she has been struggling for a long time. The struggle has lead to conflicting feelings of wanting to maintain control of her life, and not reach out for help, but knowing she should.
The weak one sees this and tries to help, but is rejected. Should she back up and remain weak? Give in to salvage the miss-aligned friendship? What is there to salvage if we cannot look at our friends and give in? Give in to the fact that we have lost control, show our weaknesses and cry out for help? What are friends for?
Friends are for just that... giving in. The balance of friendships sway to and fro over the years. Never ceasing in give and take. We shouldn't need labels such as strong or weak, because we are all strong AND weak at different times in our lives. The key to success in friendships is to know when these times are and embrace them.
The blessing is at the end. The blessing always comes. And our true friendships become and remain stronger in spite of these troubled times.
I cannot begin to recall all of the times I have been on either the giving or receiving ends of mercy and grace by a friend. Friends SHOULD BE able to recognize which of these times we're in, and react accordingly.
The old cliché states that friendships come and go, as they ebb and flow. The key is to know when to hang on and fight, or move on and let go.
Relationships end. Some just last longer than others. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. That doesn't mean that the time spent together wasn't valuable and worthwhile. It just means that every relationship has a purpose. Whether that purpose is for one or both friends, hopefully they both take something memorable and positive from it when they do decide it's over.
In the end, the risk of relationships is always worth it. And I wouldn't change a thing about any one I've ever had.
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