Wednesday February 29, 2012
Happy Leap Day!
Today we are praying for those in the Midwest hit by the deadly and devastating tornadoes this morning. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of those affected by the storms.
It's difficult to write tonight with the girls' bedroom door opening every 10 seconds, each time with a new excuse to be out of bed. I was hoping to have a relaxing evening, blogging done by 9:00 pm, and snug in my own bed watching Criminal Minds and SVU... Not so much.
Something has been weighing heavy on me for a while now. The title of this post pretty much says it all - how do we teach our kids to say goodbye? More specifically, how do we teach them to say goodbye to their friends whom we no longer see?
There are many reasons why people grow apart. Someone moves away, life gets in the way, or our own personal lives just change in such a way it's not possible to remain friends. No matter the reason, it's seemingly easier for us adults to "say goodbye" or move on, but what about our kids?
Sometimes we can't fully explain why we don't see their friends anymore - it's "complicated adult stuff", or we just plain don't have a legitimate explanation.
I had lots of different friends from different areas while I was growing up. I can still name them. We were inseparable, and then my family moved again. Not far, but far enough away that we didn't see those friends ever again. I'm sure the distance, along with the business of moving, new schools and settling in was the reason my parents didn't make the drive for play dates anymore.
Kids sometimes have memories like steel traps. They remember things we said when they were teenie tiny, and they definitely remember their friends. They know who they like to hang out with and who they don't. So, when they ask why they can't have a play date with their "old friends", what do you say?
I think kids need to be told the truth... for the most part. We have never been afraid to teach our kids about the "hard to hear" parts of life. And as they grow and things come up, we are as honest with them as we can be. For example, my kids were taught early on about death and the cycle of life. We didn't want them to fear the inevitable. Hannah was somewhat faced with this last year when one of her good friends' dad passed away suddenly.
Sometimes the truth is simply beyond their comprehension. I still don't outright lie to my kids, I just may not tell them the whole truth, and I may soften it a bit. At least they get the same end result, which is an explanation. It seems to satisfy. For a while.
But when they start asking again, saying they miss their friends, when is it okay to just tell them that we won't be seeing them again? And how do we explain why, when the answer is not something they could understand?
I'm thankful that my girls love all of their friends; the old, the new and everything in between. I would never want to shatter that loving sense that they come by so naturally.
Showing posts with label honesty. Show all posts
Showing posts with label honesty. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Moving On... Or Are We?
Moving on is easy... or, it should be anyway.
Sometimes, it is.
Like when you realize you have a stain on your shirt from breakfast and you have to wear it for the rest of the day. Eh! No biggy, everyone stains their shirt, right?!
That's an easy one.
When a friendship is "on the rocks" and you're left behind wondering, "Now what do I do"?
That's not so easy.
In life we have so many friendships.
The ones we've had since childhood.
The ones we create in college.
The ones we make at work.
The ones we acquire when we marry.
The ones we gain after we have kids.
And that's where I'm at...
At a time in life that is so joyous and full of new life, we find people that are in the same place as us. We are pregnant together, sharing stories of how we're feeling, doctor's appointment details, due dates and finally, getting together on maternity leave and sharing ideas on how to be a mom for the first time.
These are strong bonds. Especially when you have your second babies together too!
Sometimes, friendships get defined for a time when one's weakness is another's strength.
One is struggling with depression and anxiety after having those babies. While the other friend is strong, and collected and able to help. One day at a time, the strong one picks the weak one up, until she can stand on her own.
Then what?
Play dates, phone calls, sharing secrets, life's ups & downs.
But what if that friendship is still one-sided?
On one hand, the strong one is still helping the weak one, whether she needs it or not.
On the other hand, the weak one is branching out, getting stronger by her own methods and meeting new people, trying new things. Even though she is still struggling, she's trying to move on to a new place. She's tired of complaining, crying, and being stuck in a vicious cycle of depression and darkness. But the strong one does not come along.
Why can't the weak one give advice to the strong one? Why can't the weak one be the listener for a time? Why can't the weak one ever be seen as strong and capable? Because she feels that way. She feels renewed, positive, energetic and wants to be able to be there for the strong one as she has been there for her over the course of the friendship. Why can't the strong one stop trying to do everything, be everything and control everything?
It's okay to ask for help, as the weak one has done so many times before. And look at where she is now. She's not on top, but right where she needs to be. Still figuring out life, but knows how to get through rough times and how to revel in the good times.
Sometimes, in her new-found confidence, the weak one says too much. She has learned from the strong one how to be courteous, how to treat friends, how to be tactful yet polite with her words. But what if a situation arose that the weak one can't help but to blurt out honesty? She tries to compose herself and speak honestly, but with love and concern in her undertones. And what if, with the strong one's pride in the forefront, the honesty given by the weak one is mistaken for judgment and cruelty?
The situation has come to a head. Both friends feel passionately about their own point of view. The weak one is passionate about giving the strong one advice and showing concern over the situation. The strong one is passionate in her belief that everything is under control, although she has lost control. She knows she has been struggling for a long time. The struggle has lead to conflicting feelings of wanting to maintain control of her life, and not reach out for help, but knowing she should.
The weak one sees this and tries to help, but is rejected. Should she back up and remain weak? Give in to salvage the miss-aligned friendship? What is there to salvage if we cannot look at our friends and give in? Give in to the fact that we have lost control, show our weaknesses and cry out for help? What are friends for?
Friends are for just that... giving in. The balance of friendships sway to and fro over the years. Never ceasing in give and take. We shouldn't need labels such as strong or weak, because we are all strong AND weak at different times in our lives. The key to success in friendships is to know when these times are and embrace them.
The blessing is at the end. The blessing always comes. And our true friendships become and remain stronger in spite of these troubled times.
I cannot begin to recall all of the times I have been on either the giving or receiving ends of mercy and grace by a friend. Friends SHOULD BE able to recognize which of these times we're in, and react accordingly.
The old cliché states that friendships come and go, as they ebb and flow. The key is to know when to hang on and fight, or move on and let go.
Relationships end. Some just last longer than others. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. That doesn't mean that the time spent together wasn't valuable and worthwhile. It just means that every relationship has a purpose. Whether that purpose is for one or both friends, hopefully they both take something memorable and positive from it when they do decide it's over.
In the end, the risk of relationships is always worth it. And I wouldn't change a thing about any one I've ever had.
Sometimes, it is.
Like when you realize you have a stain on your shirt from breakfast and you have to wear it for the rest of the day. Eh! No biggy, everyone stains their shirt, right?!
That's an easy one.
When a friendship is "on the rocks" and you're left behind wondering, "Now what do I do"?
That's not so easy.
In life we have so many friendships.
The ones we've had since childhood.
The ones we create in college.
The ones we make at work.
The ones we acquire when we marry.
The ones we gain after we have kids.
And that's where I'm at...
At a time in life that is so joyous and full of new life, we find people that are in the same place as us. We are pregnant together, sharing stories of how we're feeling, doctor's appointment details, due dates and finally, getting together on maternity leave and sharing ideas on how to be a mom for the first time.
These are strong bonds. Especially when you have your second babies together too!
Sometimes, friendships get defined for a time when one's weakness is another's strength.
One is struggling with depression and anxiety after having those babies. While the other friend is strong, and collected and able to help. One day at a time, the strong one picks the weak one up, until she can stand on her own.
Then what?
Play dates, phone calls, sharing secrets, life's ups & downs.
But what if that friendship is still one-sided?
On one hand, the strong one is still helping the weak one, whether she needs it or not.
On the other hand, the weak one is branching out, getting stronger by her own methods and meeting new people, trying new things. Even though she is still struggling, she's trying to move on to a new place. She's tired of complaining, crying, and being stuck in a vicious cycle of depression and darkness. But the strong one does not come along.
Why can't the weak one give advice to the strong one? Why can't the weak one be the listener for a time? Why can't the weak one ever be seen as strong and capable? Because she feels that way. She feels renewed, positive, energetic and wants to be able to be there for the strong one as she has been there for her over the course of the friendship. Why can't the strong one stop trying to do everything, be everything and control everything?
It's okay to ask for help, as the weak one has done so many times before. And look at where she is now. She's not on top, but right where she needs to be. Still figuring out life, but knows how to get through rough times and how to revel in the good times.
Sometimes, in her new-found confidence, the weak one says too much. She has learned from the strong one how to be courteous, how to treat friends, how to be tactful yet polite with her words. But what if a situation arose that the weak one can't help but to blurt out honesty? She tries to compose herself and speak honestly, but with love and concern in her undertones. And what if, with the strong one's pride in the forefront, the honesty given by the weak one is mistaken for judgment and cruelty?
The situation has come to a head. Both friends feel passionately about their own point of view. The weak one is passionate about giving the strong one advice and showing concern over the situation. The strong one is passionate in her belief that everything is under control, although she has lost control. She knows she has been struggling for a long time. The struggle has lead to conflicting feelings of wanting to maintain control of her life, and not reach out for help, but knowing she should.
The weak one sees this and tries to help, but is rejected. Should she back up and remain weak? Give in to salvage the miss-aligned friendship? What is there to salvage if we cannot look at our friends and give in? Give in to the fact that we have lost control, show our weaknesses and cry out for help? What are friends for?
Friends are for just that... giving in. The balance of friendships sway to and fro over the years. Never ceasing in give and take. We shouldn't need labels such as strong or weak, because we are all strong AND weak at different times in our lives. The key to success in friendships is to know when these times are and embrace them.
The blessing is at the end. The blessing always comes. And our true friendships become and remain stronger in spite of these troubled times.
I cannot begin to recall all of the times I have been on either the giving or receiving ends of mercy and grace by a friend. Friends SHOULD BE able to recognize which of these times we're in, and react accordingly.
The old cliché states that friendships come and go, as they ebb and flow. The key is to know when to hang on and fight, or move on and let go.
Relationships end. Some just last longer than others. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. That doesn't mean that the time spent together wasn't valuable and worthwhile. It just means that every relationship has a purpose. Whether that purpose is for one or both friends, hopefully they both take something memorable and positive from it when they do decide it's over.
In the end, the risk of relationships is always worth it. And I wouldn't change a thing about any one I've ever had.
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