How Do We Teach Our Kids To Say Goodbye? (57/366)

Wednesday February 29, 2012

Happy Leap Day! 

Today we are praying for those in the Midwest hit by the deadly and devastating tornadoes this morning.  My thoughts and prayers go out to all of those affected by the storms.

It's difficult to write tonight with the girls' bedroom door opening every 10 seconds, each time with a new excuse to be out of bed.  I was hoping to have a relaxing evening, blogging done by 9:00 pm, and snug in my own bed watching Criminal Minds and SVU... Not so much.

Something has been weighing heavy on me for a while now.  The title of this post pretty much says it all - how do we teach our kids to say goodbye?  More specifically, how do we teach them to say goodbye to their friends whom we no longer see?

There are many reasons why people grow apart. Someone moves away, life gets in the way, or our own personal lives just change in such a way it's not possible to remain friends.  No matter the reason, it's seemingly easier for us adults to "say goodbye" or move on, but what about our kids?

Sometimes we can't fully explain why we don't see their friends anymore - it's "complicated adult stuff", or we just plain don't have a legitimate explanation.

I had lots of different friends from different areas while I was growing up.  I can still name them.  We were inseparable, and then my family moved again.  Not far, but far enough away that we didn't see those friends ever again.  I'm sure the distance, along with the business of moving, new schools and settling in was the reason my parents didn't make the drive for play dates anymore.

Kids sometimes have memories like steel traps.  They remember things we said when they were teenie tiny, and they definitely remember their friends.  They know who they like to hang out with and who they don't.  So, when they ask why they can't have a play date with their "old friends", what do you say?

I think kids need to be told the truth... for the most part.  We have never been afraid to teach our kids about the "hard to hear" parts of life.  And as they grow and things come up, we are as honest with them as we can be.  For example, my kids were taught early on about death and the cycle of life.  We didn't want them to fear the inevitable.  Hannah was somewhat faced with this last year when one of her good friends' dad passed away suddenly.

Sometimes the truth is simply beyond their comprehension.  I still don't outright lie to my kids, I just may not tell them the whole truth, and I may soften it a bit.  At least they get the same end result, which is an explanation.  It seems to satisfy.  For a while.

But when they start asking again, saying they miss their friends, when is it okay to just tell them that we won't be seeing them again?  And how do we explain why, when the answer is not something they could understand?

I'm thankful that my girls love all of their friends; the old, the new and everything in between. I would never want to shatter that loving sense that they come by so naturally.