Sleep? What's that?!

Am I tired?

Of course I'm tired... I'm always tired.

From the age of 18, right out of high school, I had a great job.  7 - 5, full benefits, the whole she-bang.  I could've gone anywhere... then I got laid off 2 years later.  My next job I held for 7 years and I left that one for a "better opportunity" somewhere else.  2 years later, I was laid off (at least they severanced me), and another year and a half after THAT, here I am.

In those years, I'd gotten engaged, turned 21 (fun times), gotten married, lost friends, gained many new friends, built a house, had 2 awesome children.

Right now, I stay at home with my girls, patiently waiting for them to both be in school full time so I can go and get a "fun" part-time job somewhere.

Why am I SO tired?

I don't work.

I can sleep when I want to.

I can stay up as late as I want and sleep till the kids get up.

{Insert big game-show LOSER buzzer}

I DO WORK.  30 hours a day, 8 days a week, 6 weeks a month, 14 months a year - without pay.  Well, monetary pay.

I can't sleep when I want to - I might miss a smile, or the baby's new word.  I might miss a teaching moment with my preschooler. 

I can stay up late and sleep till the kids get up, but then I'd be rushed all day.  And with me, rushed = GRUMPY!!

The thing is, I am tired.  But being a mom is tiresome.  Last night my preschooler was up with the flu all night - from midnight to 4 AM.  Then 5 AM, then 6 AM.  My girls share a bedroom, so my baby thought it was time to wake up and rock & roll.  So, I sat in their room and helped my big girl while she was sick.  Inbetween, I was on their bedroom floor, watching the baby in her crib, while she played the Fisher Price Fish Aquarium over... and over... and over.

If I made the slightest move to leave the room, she screamed.  And I mean SCREAMED!!  So, to keep the peace and allow my husband (who does get up very early every morning for a paying job) and my big girl to get some sleep, I sat there.  Awake.  The. Whole. Time.

Around 4 AM, the baby fell asleep.  Then my big girl got sick again.  So, it was after 5 o'clock before I went to bed.  The kids were up for the day at 8. 

Yeah. 

Tired.

But, days like that are long, and tiresome.  I feel so bad for my kids - one is sick.  One is over tired.  And Mama is walking around in circles, cross-eyed. 

How in the world did I ever do this, even for a minute, while holding down a job???

But looking at it from another angle, How in the world did I ever hold down a job, and still manage to get through nights like this - effectively??

We adapt.  We change.  We grow.  We do what needs to be done and we don't think twice about it.  It's hard sometimes, and thankless.  Not unrewarding.  Thankless.

And, we're tired??  What's wrong with us?!

I'll tell you - nothing is.  It's natural, it's normal.  And yet, God always manages to give us the strength and alertness when we need it.  He gives us rest when we need it. 

And just when it seems it will never end, my daughter looks at me and says, "Mommy, I love you.  Thank you for taking care of me and washing my hair and face after a night like that!"  And the baby comes up to me and says, "Go. Mommy.  Eye-yub-ooooh".

So worth it.