A Brief Hiatus (92/366)

Tuesday April 17, 2012

I realize it has been almost 2 weeks since I blogged last.  A lot has been going on here and I haven't had the time or the energy to blog.  Thus, my goal of blogging every day for a year has failed. 

That's a really tall order.

Nonetheless, I thought I could do it.

I'm not going to be too terribly hard on myself for not making it... I can try again.  I will keep blogging when I have the time.  I may pick back up and publish some of the things I have written while I was taking a break, but I'll need to think about that.  Thank you for reading...

There are a lot of issues being talked about right now - one of them very near and dear to my heart ~

Stay-at-home-moms and their value in this world.

I think this is a great debate.  I have been on both sides of the table and currently I am the stay-at-home variety.

But not by choice.  Let me explain:

Before I had kids, my heart long desired to be a stay-at-home mom. After I had my first daughter, the very first night, I knew I could never do it. So, I was happy working 40-50 hours a week, the daycare we chose for the girls was top-notch and absolutely amazing (no, not the Taj Mahal, but two sweet little old ladies who had been in childcare their whole lives, and were MIRACLE WORKERS with the patience of Job ~ they were SO good with my "special" colicky babies).

3 years ago, I quit my job (that I LOVED) of 8 years to pursue an opportunity with a different company (who, in fact, pursued me).  Four months into that new job, I found out I was pregnant with my second baby.  I was on part time disability for most of the pregnancy, and suffered severe postpartum depression after she was born, and  I was off work for 4 months.  When I returned to work, I was rejuvenated, energized and rocking my job.  6 weeks after my return to work, I was called in to the boss' office on a Wednesday morning at 10:30 am.  I was told that they were shrinking their sales force and enlarging their territories, so I was out.  I cried, my manager cried, and the HR Manager that was there cried.  It was a hard day.  I was put in a position without choice, still recovering from PPD, and it. was. tough. And that's putting it mildly. 

Nonetheless, I struck out, eager to find new work.  In the late summer/fall of 2009, this was NOT an easy task.  The unemployment rate was sky high, and there were hundreds of thousands of people in my same boat.  I was applying for all kinds of work - but knowing that I needed a certain income to cover daycare costs, and replace the company vehicle and gas that I had just lost.  I was repeatedly turned down.  My resume matched some of those job descriptions to a T, yet they hired a "candidate whose qualifications more closely match the position".  So, I took this as sign.

Eventually I found my way at home.  We had playdates, I struggled to juggle the housework, the bills, the groceries, doctor appointments, dentist appointments, the errands, the kids ~ sick and healthy, myself ~ sick and healthy, grandparents, evening events, sports, dance, school, friends, family and everything in-between.  Remember, I didn't have a husband at home during the week - it was just me and the girls.  All day. Every day.  I did, however, have a TON of help from my parents, my in-laws who live close, my friends (with and without kids) - I knew that whatever I needed I just had to ask for it.  And I did.

Yet I still searched for work.  To no avail.  I was told on numerous occasions how blessed I was to be able to stay at home and what an incredible value that would add to my girls' lives.  I was told how I could never get this time back, never ever ever and how absolutely precious it was.  I kept thinking, "Are they 10 & 13 yet, or 18 & 15?  Time!  Would 'ja hurry up?!"

Here I am, 3 years later, and I'm still not adjusted.  I often wonder how I ever did it.  Take all of those "duties" listed above "the housework, the bills, the groceries, doctor appointments, dentist appointments, the errands, the kids ~ sick and healthy, myself ~ sick and healthy, grandparents, evening events, sports, dance, school, friends, family and everything in-between" and add 40-50 hours of work to it.  Sure, some things suffered while I was working, and others suffer while I am at home. 

Like me. 

I don't wear makeup everyday, I don't do my hair everyday.  No, I don't stay in my pajamas - I actually shower and get dressed, but I don't wear heels anymore, or black dress pants and blouses.  While I was working, the housework suffered (a little).  It's a give and take.  It's about priorities.

During neither phase of my life ~ working or not ~ have my kids suffered.  They were in a wonderful daycare with caregivers that loved them as if they were their own.  And at home, they're with their Mama.  And they looooooove their Mama.  So so very much.  And they tell me every day just how much.  Sometimes they'll even tell me that they don't, just so I'll tell them that I do, and how much, and we laugh and giggle and tickle until we hug and kiss.  Sometimes the girls argue over who loves me the most.

I'm okay with that.

I don't want to get into the debate over which is better - stay at home moms or working moms.  I don't think it matters.  The commonality that those two titles have is the word "MOM".  Some of us don't have a choice but to work, because our household requires the income.  Some of us don't have the choice but to be at home, because the economy is not kind.  Others choose to work, and are perfectly happy with daycare or family members helping out with childcare.  And I don't think our kids are any worse or better off for that.  Some women choose to stay at home and they base their budgets and lifestyles around that choice.  I don't think our kids are any worse or better off for that choice either.

You can look at statistics all day long.  It doesn't really matter, does it?  If we, as moms, put forth our best effort every minute of every day (ok, yes, sometimes I take breaks too) whether we're working or at home, won't our kids turn out however they're going to turn out?  I'm not a worse mom because I'm at home everyday with my girls.  I wasn't a better mom when I was working full time.

I am the same mom that I have been since my daughters we born.  The same.

The same loving, caring, disciplining, nurturing and amazingly protective mom.  It is up to me to find the best care for them ~ whether it's me or someone else doing the "caring".  It's up to me, as their parent ~ working or not ~ to ensure a proper upbringing for them.

I've been on both sides.  There are positives and negatives on both sides.  My neighbor's situation is different than mine.  My girlfriend's lives are different than mine.  Everyone has their own unique situation and they base their decision (whether it's their choice or not, in my case) on the solution that's best for their family. 

No one should judge that choice.  We should appreciate one another for where we are, and who we are. 

We should celebrate each other as mothers.